Bonner Day: A new hypothesis explaining stupidity

Bonner Day


I was taking my daily pills the other day and paused to read the label of one.  And it hit me like a bolt of lightning.  I had found the reason for so many crazy government decisions. The key was in front of my nose all the time.  The label read: Drug may impair ability to operate a vessel or machine. If a medicine incapacitates anybody from driving a tractor, why wouldn’t it affect legislators and officials dealing with complex laws?

Like Newton discovering gravity when an apple fell on his head, profound discoveries can be made in prosaic ways.  I’m calling my hypothesis Bonner’s Gambit.  It is not proven yet and still needs additional supporters to rise to the level of theory.  But I am proud to introduce the idea.  Traditionally, liquor stores and bars were closed during election days,which supports my hypothesis somewhat.  Hopefully additional support will come.

I could never understand why government officials made stupid decisions.  I reasoned the decisions might be too complicated for regular citizens like me to understand.  Like the last 50 pages of my school physics textbook.  Or why the stock market can’t stand still, but goes up and down except on holidays.

As I read the warning on my pill box, I realized that most if not all of this country’s problems were probably caused by decisions made while impaired by medicine, or perhaps, in some rare cases, alcohol or drugs.

The people running our country are not as stupid as their decisions would indicate.  They come from the finest schools. They go through a severe winnowing process just to get on the county school board.  And that winnowing continues all the way to the presidency.  If we think titles and wealth insulate against error, we only have to remember the story of the king with no clothes.   It is completely logical that if the decisions of bright policymakers were bad, the decision-making process in some way was impaired.

Why, for example, would any congressman in his right mind vote on health care legislation without reading it?  The answer is powerful medicine, or perhaps in some rare cases, alcohol or drugs.

Who, if unimpaired by medicine or in some rare cases, alcohol or drugs, would go to Iraq, smash the terrorists, establish a democratic government and then leave before the government was strong enough to survive?

What American would sign trade agreements so that every country but our own could have a favorable balance of payments?  Answer, leaders impaired by medicine or perhaps in some rare cases, alcohol or drugs.

I am sure readers could add many other examples. Like Caesar, these are all honorable men so their behavior must be explained logically.

It’s not fair to disclose the problem without at least proposing a solution.   There may be a waiting period until the public buys into my hypothesis.

But then Congress could pass legislation letting any congressman skip voting on legislation if impaired by medicine, or in rare cases, alcohol or drugs.  State and local governments could follow suit as they recognize the logic.  As a reminder, Congress might put up tasteful wood or marble signs labeled “Medical Free,” “Drug Free” and “Alcohol Free.”   The same could be put up in appropriate places at the White House.

If the situation is not corrected, top leaders of the administration as well as members of Congress will continue to have their reputations hurt by actions taken while impaired.

In the mean time, for the safety of reputations, I hope no action is taken on the marmorated stinkbug, which has plagued the valley for more years than we want to count.  With the current impaired state of the administration and Congress, there is no telling what action they might take. Why, under the influence of dangerous medicine, or in some rare cases alcohol or drugs, the bug could be honored as the national insect.  When it should be the June bug.

Bonner Day has been retired in the valley for 14 years.  He grows cattle and dandelions when not impaired by prescriptions, alcohol or drugs.