Out of the darkness

View larger image From left, Lachlan Hargis, Kirsten Hargis, Cindy North, Lauren DiSalvo, Heather Van Dyke and Chris Wilfong are organizing a walk to help promote suicide prevention. Dennis Grundman/Daily Suicide Statistics Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for adults 18-65 in the U.S. A person commits suicide about every 15 minutes in the U.S. Each day, about 90 Americans commit suicide. Ninety percent of all people who commit suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among those 15-24. — Source: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, www.afsp.org. Concern Hotline Concern Hotline is a volunteer-operated hotline that provides crisis intervention, suicide prevention and information and referral services to anyone in need, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Clarke County: 667-0145 Frederick County: 667-0145 Page County: 743-3733 Shenandoah County: 459-4742 Warren County: 635-4357 Winchester: 667-0145 Recommend This Print This Get E-mail News Alerts Buy Photos/Page Reprints * Breaking News If local news is breaking and you know about it: * Call Us: 800-296-5137 * E-mail Us * Upload Your Photos View larger image Families and friends of suicide victims plan to participate in the Out of the Darkness Walk in Winchester on Oct. 23. The walk begins at 10 a.m. at Shenandoah University. Dennis Grundman/Daily

Local group raising funds to help prevent suicides

By Ben Orcutt -- borcutt@nvdaily.com

WINCHESTER -- More than 34,000 people in the United States commit suicide each year, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Chris Wilfong, 42, of Winchester, and others who have lost loved ones or friends to suicide, hope to decrease those numbers by raising awareness on Oct. 23 with the fourth annual Out of the Darkness Walk.

The walk begins at 10 a.m. in front of the Ohrstrom-Bryant Theatre on the campus of Shenandoah University.

"We invite anyone to come out," said Wilfong, whose grandmother, Rhoda Sirbaugh, committed suicide in 1990 at the age of 65.

"There's no charge to walk," Wilfong added. "You don't have to raise money. For us, the money is important for us as a group and I think it is important for us to get the money for the [AFSP] to help them fund their causes. It's also about coming together and raising awareness and prevention."

Last year about 60 walkers participated in the local event, raising more than $6,000 for AFSP, Wilfong said.

"What AFSP does, they raise money for studies on causes of suicide, prevention awareness programs," Wilfong said. "They have developed a video series for high schools called 'More Than Sad.' It's two videos -- one for teachers and educators and one for the students so they can recognize signs and things like that of suicide. But it's also to raise awareness to suicide and have a place for people to come together to share, to come together as people in like situations."

There is a local support group for people who have lost loved ones or friends to suicide that meets at the Timbrook Public Safety Building on Kent Street the first Thursday of each month at 6:30 p.m.

Wilfong is the leader of the group, which has been meeting since September 2006.
"It actually means a lot, because when I lost my father, there was no support group in this area," said Heather Van Dyke, 35, of Winchester, whose father, Larry Smith, committed suicide in April of 2006 at the age of 51.

"It's a place where you can kind of let all of your emotions out and not be judged, and it's private," Van Dyke said of the group. "It was a place where I could talk about my feelings. I have two small children, so it's not like I could sit down and talk with them. It really helped me out, and now that I've gone past some of my mourning, I am actually helping Chris. I'm kind of his unofficial assistant."

Kirsten Hargis, 47, of Winchester, and her son, Lachlan Hargis, 16, have been coming to the group after two members of their family committed suicide.

About seven and a half years ago, Kirsten Hargis' brother-in-law, Harry Whitfield Hargis, committed suicide at the age of 37. Six months ago, his 14-year-old son, Vaughn Whitfield Hargis, also committed suicide.

"I think there is a stigma that's attached to a lot of people who have experienced the loss of someone from suicide," Kirsten Hargis said. "I know for our family in particular, we didn't look for help or go to a support group after my brother-in-law passed away. But after his son took his life, then we immediately reached out."

Lachlan Hargis said he was close to his cousin, and the support group has helped him deal with the suicide.

"It helps you get it off your chest if you're having feelings about it, and just tell people how you're really feeling," he said.

Wilfong agreed.

"Death itself is difficult no matter how a person passes away. But with suicide, there's different emotions that go with it," he said. "Not just to grieve, but [you] could have guilt for not recognizing certain symptoms or signs, thinking that you should have done something or could have done something, and anger ... abandonment because the person left you. Things like that. So it is difficult for people to open up.

"But the group, we don't force anyone to talk. If you want to come in and just talk about the weather or the bad day that you had at work or the good day you had at work, or if you want to talk about your loss, it's just somewhere to come where everyone has shared the same experience somewhat."

Cindy North, 60, of Stephens City, lost her 14-year-old son, Ryan, to suicide in 2005. Ryan was 29-year-old Stephens City resident Lauren DiSalvo's brother. North and DiSalvo have not come to the support group, but they are planning to participate in the walk.

"I have recently retired from education, so I've worked with young people for many years and it's a way of reaching out to the community of all ages to try to make people more aware of the difficulties that some may be experiencing," North said.

She said it's not easy to distinguish between a teenager who is moody and one who may be contemplating suicide.

"I worked with high school students for the most part for 30 years, so I have worked with teenagers for quite some time and it is difficult, especially if it's not very obvious," she said. "It's difficult to determine if we're talking mood or we're talking something more serious."

Kirsten Hargis, who has four children, said she monitors Internet sites like Facebook and MySpace.

"There have been some students that are really having a hard time dealing with the loss of a friend and not knowing where to go, and someone could monitor those sites and call out for help for someone who's not willing to step up and ask for help," she said. "There are a lot of kids who are really struggling and they'll put things on those types of Internet sites."

North said it's important to boost people's self-esteem.

"I think it's something that we all need to communicate to people -- that each individual is worthy and whatever we can do for everyone around us to build up people's self-esteem, if we think that possibly that's the problem, we need to do that," she said.
DiSalvo said it's important to reach out, especially to younger people.

"With somebody who's younger who doesn't have life experience behind him or her, that something maybe bad that happens may seem monumental when someone who's maybe a little bit older might know that it's OK, this day will pass and whatever may happen, may happen," DiSalvo said. "But I think especially just expressing to people that no matter how alone you may feel, no matter how unchangeable you may think something is, that it's never worth your life."

Wilfong agreed.

"If someone actually realizes they need help, which is very difficult to do, but if anyone has any indication or inkling that a friend, a family member, a co-worker may do something, just please [get help]," he said.

For more information on the walk or the support group, call Wilfong at 514-9991. For more information about the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, visit its website at www.afsp.org.