Well, maybe not literally. But it sure felt that way as the employee at the dress shop told me aloud the size I'm measuring at 20 weeks pregnant. It didn't help that several lanky high school boys in skinny jeans were standing within earshot picking out their prom tuxes.
It also didn't help that because I'll be nine months along on the date of the wedding, they wanted me to order up an additional two sizes.
Yes, that's right. In a fete of timing that might be a record for our family, I managed to be due with my second child a week after my only brother is due to be married.
It was one of those things I could just see coming. We'd been wanting another baby well before the wedding date, but when it kept not happening, I practically braced for the bad timing that, though unlikely, seemed inevitable. Sure enough, the timing is just about as bad as it could have been.
My future sister-in-law is the only daughter among seven brothers, resulting in a ceremony with seven built-in groomsmen. And as I am my brother's only sibling at all, and also happen to be a female, I felt honored to be -- and much needed as -- a bridesmaid.
Maybe I could have bowed out, and maybe I even should have. I know many women who'd be thrilled to have such a good excuse to get out of bridesmaid duty. It's a job that's notoriously mocked and dreaded in movies and on TV.
There's nothing I really wanted more, though, than to stand up there for my brother and my new sister on their big day -- well, except for a baby, I suppose.
So, I swallowed my pride this week and laid down the deposit for the dress, despite the big chance I might not even get to wear it, in the hope that this baby will stay put just long enough to let me.
Things could go a few different ways here: I could feel great until after the wedding is over, make it back home safely, and go into labor in the days afterward. I could go into labor and have the baby before the wedding and either still be hospitalized or have an infant far too young to haul along on the car ride required to get to the wedding. Or, I could, go into labor at some point right in the middle of the wedding weekend and all its accompanying festivities.
Maybe I am crazy, but I'm willing to take a chance on the latter to avoid missing seeing my brother tie the knot. It's an event that will only happen once. And let's face it, it'd be one heck of a story.
Still, I am crossing my fingers that everything runs as smoothly as possible for all parties involved and that I don't have to miss my brother's big day. In fact, I've bet on it with a whole lot of satin and nu-georgette fabric.
Knowing my luck and my penchant for bad timing, it's hard to tell what will happen. August should be an interesting month.
• Contact Jessica Wiant at firstname.lastname@example.org.