James Pinsky: The greatest column ever written
News reports around the globe are confirming the rumors, our planet is finally healthy.
For decades, people around the world including Christians, Muslims, atheists, capitalists, communists, socialists, vegetarians, hunters, pacifists, men, women and children have all in one form or fashion helped fight to clean our planet from our mistakes. We can put our orange trash bags down, and kick back, relax and enjoy our home. Finally.
Every ounce of water, fresh, salty and brackish is clean. The United Nations has issued a report stating multinational teams of conservation explorers have walked every forest, tundra desert and urban floor from Appalachia to Zimbabwe and found absolutely no litter, point or non-point source pollution and well-balanced wildlife to habitat ratios. Equally significant is world stock market prices have stabilized as world business leaders have all reached zero emissions capacities in the manufacturing and retail efforts of their goods and services. Supply and demand of natural resource based manufacturing is so well balanced that National Geographic has reported as consumer demand increases so does the health and ecological well-being of natural resources around the world.
Politically, the achievement of ecological harmony across the world has radically eased tensions between historically conflicted nations. Free trade, global agriculture equality and a supply that exceeds demand for natural resource-based materials has nearly vanquished the threat of armed conflict. Furthermore, intellectual and scientific advances, once guarded by competing nations has become openly sourced which helped establish zero-emissions energy generation globally.
If you’ve made it this far in my column and think any of this is even remotely true than you are far more optimistic than I. Despite global efforts to achieve a planet so clean we can eat off its organic floors, there is a daily need to fight for conservation not just here, but everywhere. Urban sprawl continues to eat away at habitat, global businesses still weight profit against sustainability, and nations still wage war economically, scientifically and militarily against each other to ensure their citizens live as lush a life as possible.
No, this column isn’t even remotely true and probably seems unbelievable even too many dreamers. But, one day maybe the impossible can become the improbable and then possible, the likely and finally a reality. Then and only then will this be the greatest column ever written because our planet would be saved and I would — finally — be out of a job.
James Pinsky is the Education and Information Coordinator for the Lord Fairfax Soil and Water Conservation District. Contact him at 465.2424, ext. 104, or email@example.com.