Over the past few weeks, we have covered a lot of re-employment related ground. I thought it would be fun to take a short break from the serious side of job hunting and have a laugh or two. Below are real-life quotes that have actually been found on resumes:
· "I'll need $85K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and a company vehicle, prefably a Mercedes."
· "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school"
· "Exposure to Spanish but many words are innappropriate for business"
· "I saw your ad in the information highway, and came to a screaching halt"
· "It's best for employers that I not work with people"
· "Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel"
· "My primary goal is to be recognized"
· "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."
· "Responsibility makes me nervous."
· "They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn''t work under those conditions."
· "Note: Please don''t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ''job-hopping''. I have never quit a job."
· "Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches in my desk."
· "The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."
· "I''m married with 9 children. I don''t require prescription drugs."
· "I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don''t let them know of my immediate availability."
· "Number of dependents: 40."
· "Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."
· "Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
So moral of the story, if your resume contains anything remotely close to any of the phrases, please stop what you are doing and change it now!
While I have lots of information to still provide, if there is a particular subject that you would like me to cover let me know! Remember, Job Networking Club meets Tuesday mornings at the Winchester VEC at 8:30 a.m. and we would love to see you join us.
Kind regards -