Don Lemon, a moron, was right.

When Lemon got on his CNN show (I don't watch it. I don't know the name) and said that presidential candidate Nikki Haley, 51, was past "her prime," he was right.

He was right. There. I said it.

And when his co-host Poppy Harlow, recently nominated for the "Outstanding Work in Not Stabbing a Co-Host with Your Pen" Emmy, choked out a follow-up question -- "Prime for what?" -- Lemon took the honorable route and dodged.

"I'm just saying what the facts are. Google it."

Lemon didn't answer Harlow because the real answer, "her prime for sex," would be unseemly.

You see, Haley is in her 50s, and everyone knows -- even, as Lemon pointed out, (SET ITAL) Google (END ITAL) knows -- that a woman's sexual prime is in her 20s, 30s, mayyyyyyybe 40s if she has stellar genes and/or imperceptible plastic surgery. After that, she's nothing more than an empty coconut husk, a dried-up flower, a shadowy relic of her former youth and glory.

You know it. I know it. Brave souls like Tucker Carlson and Ben Shapiro and another FOX News neckbeard whose name escapes me know it. Those three wise men recently pointed out that uncomfortable truth to comedian and bestselling author Chelsea Handler, who had made the grave mistake of saying that she, a childless woman, was happy.

As Carlson and Shapiro and Unnamed Neckbeard so gallantly informed her, though, Handler was not happy at all.

She was miserable.

She was nothing more than the sad, discarded pulp of an old Florida orange, squeezed dry of all its delicious nectar. And instead of putting that womanly juice to its only honorable use, childbearing, Handler had instead flushed it down the toilet of professional success and personal fulfillment.

Writing books? Hosting talk shows? Stand-up comedy?


None compares to procreation, which you know that Carlson and Shapiro and the rest of the GOP venerate above all other acts because they want absolutely no incentive for women to engage in it.

You know that conservatives truly treasure the contributions of mothers because they oppose, at every possible opportunity, anything that would make it easier to be one.

They don't want free health care for pregnant women but that's only because they love babies so much! They don't want paid parental leave but that's only because there's nothing as important as a mother's love! They don't want free school lunches for poor kids but that's only because a solid education is the best way out of poverty!

But never mind all of that.

You know Lemon was right about a 51-year-old woman being past her prime because he made his comments on the heels of a news cycle in which Madonna was dragged to hell and back for having refused to accept the demise of her primacy.

When she stepped on stage at the VMAs, forehead suspiciously unlined and lips mysteriously plump, it was a great insult to us all. Because Madonna is 64, long past her prime, and she should be dealing with that sad fact the only socially acceptable way possible, which is to hug her loved ones goodbye, step onto an ice floe and drift out into the ocean forever.

So, people, though it looks like Lemon's "inartful" comments may hasten his professional demise, though everyone's getting all hot and bothered about the suggestion that women's only feminine value is wired to a kind of biological bomb set to go off in their mid-40s, I say he deserves our thanks.

Thanks for pointing out what many older women don't realize, which is that their bodies belong, primarily, to their husbands, children and society at large, and only secondly, distantly, to themselves. Once they're too old to enjoy them, that is.

And if this all sounds cruel, I'm sorry. But don't shoot me. Don Lemon and I are just the messengers.

2023, Creators

(1) comment


I honestly do not comprehend how any person, especially a woman could and did agree with that liberal idiot on anything. But as the old saying goes "opinions are like A*****es... everybody has one!"

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